The happiness and excitement of knowing that I passed the 1st exam only lasted an hour. Then I'm back on the grounds of reality, trying to recall what did I do at the chalet that I went. Shit. Shouldn't have gone for it. If I had just headed home, everything would've been alright. I wouldn't have had too much to drink and got knocked out sleeping at the chalet. Haiz. To think my own company mates would put a guy in the same room with me!? So what if there were 2 beds!? OMG... I feel like killing that guy for coming into MY room to sleep. If anything so much as warped and twisted in their rumours I will MAKE SURE the fire DIES before it even SPREADS. Like.. WTH!? Me with that tattoo and scars covered maniac-looking SHORT KID!? I'd rather die than to be associated with him!!!
Haiz. What have I done again? Did I unknowingly contributed to another break up? Now whatever I try to tell them wouldn't work. Oddest part is the girl would confide in me. I tried my best to hint to the girl that she can do a few things to change the situation or convince the guy that she's trying, they seem like it's the end. Sigh. Feels so odd that while he sat only 1 seat away today at work, he kept msging me. Trying to cheer me up, telling me if anything happens he'll be there for me and all. Which he has been there since a while back. As long as I needed someone to talk to, whether it's to kill time or discuss about work, he'll be there. Suppers, Picking me up when I'm stranded or just to talk to me to cheer me up also will. Under normal circumstances, I would've felt deeply touched. However after 1 incident, it made me rather wary of him. So all I can do is smile, reply and go back to work. I don't wanna be a 3rd party. Sigh.
Right now, I dunno what I want in life, what I've done, what I need anymore. It seems like... I know nothing right now about what's going on. So odd... So unlike me... I don't even wanna be commited to a relationship, which is why I can turn down ppl flatly and then disappear from them altogether. Usually I'm bubbly and out-going, lately I rather keep to myself and only chat with ppl I've known for long or are of the same sex. I seriously am quite sick and scared of men. I'm not turning lesbian by the way! Perhaps I'm just not ready for a relationship and all those "ready" men have scared me thoroughly.
