SELF-EnLigHTmEnT...

2010-03-29T02:52:00.003+08:00

挑一张耶诞卡写上满满祝福的话地址写的是心底, 你能不能收到它?天有点冷, 风有点大, 城市宁静而喧哗这一个冬天我得一个人走回家问自己习惯了吗?没有你每到夜里回声变得好大有没有什么好方法让寂寞更听话?你最近还好吗?是不是也在思念里挣扎?你说会记得我... 还记得吗?你最近还好吗?忙碌吗累吗心还会痛吗?如果真不得已忘了我快向快乐出发有再多的牵挂都已没有权利表达!旧情人给的问候比陌生人还尴尬!昨天远了, 明天还长, 回忆模糊但巨大!这样的深夜眼泪要怎样不流下?

2010-03-28T23:57:00.002+08:00

他居然说想我多过想她？一个两年已久的恋情，甚至到了谈婚论嫁的地步会这么容易就忘记了吗？太扯了...有如当初的情景，唯独这次不同在于我没作任何傻事...就算是如此，我也看到了原来要让他忘记一段恋情会有多容易...我知道自己从不是什么特别的人...所以，不想再一头栽进去然后又痛又苦...好不容易，我已经能自己站起来...不想再失去身命的平衡感！“爱情”是一个我会付出一切的危险投资。这次要我投资的话，除非对方拿出比我更多的爱，或者我决定认定他是我的真名天子...否则，龟壳我是藏定了！对不起...我开始对他感到害怕了...

2010-03-27T01:45:00.003+08:00

这个 blog 似乎死了好久...我也改变了不少...应该没人会看了吧?我也好久没让身边的人知道有它的存在...一个礼拜前, 我还在为一个没有未来的人独自心痛.一个礼拜后, 我活过来了... 也开始不在乎了.感谢一个陪了我整个礼拜的人...看电影，喝咖啡，吃饭，读书... 连烟都抽同一牌的！没想到我们会有这么多的共同点。从喜欢的饮料倒喜欢的活动和喜欢的好多好多习惯，好像看到了男装版本的我！但是他也让我了解，原来我还是习惯了。好多时候，我宁愿自己是独自一人打电动或在享受饮料。他的过于关心变成了一种压迫感，我觉得好怕，不想再陷入另一种困境。那个朋友会大老远听我饿得懒得出门吃而跑来接我？ BEDOK 耶！还不只一次...每天早上起来就看都搞笑的简讯...整天陪我玩信息游戏...每天都说很喜欢看到我...睡了一半忽然醒来说忘了跟我说 “晚安”？天啊！这是一般朋友会做的事吗？太扯了吧？

2010-01-27T01:07:00.002+08:00

窗外的天气就像是你多变的表情下雨了雨陪我哭泣看不清我也不想看清离开你我安靜的抽离不忍揭晓的劇情我的泪流在心里学会放弃听雨的声音一滴滴清新你的呼吸像雨滴献入我的爱里真希望雨能下不停让想念继续让爱变透明我愛上給我勇氣的 "你"窗外的雨滴一滴滴累積屋內的湿氣像储存愛你的记忆真希望雨能下不停雨爱的秘密能一直延续我相信我將会看到彩虹的美丽冷冷的空氣很仔細我無法呼吸一万顆雨滴的距离很徹底让爱消失無息

2010-01-08T02:40:00.001+08:00

找不到人说心里的寂寞找不到人都怕变得沉默找不到命中注定在一起的人以后很多人都笑我一个人过生活爱只有简单笔画却比想象复杂很安定爱变化我爱过几个人也被爱过几遍却还是没能将幸福留下爱是不可输的吗为何我还相信他不是不欣赏我在等一个人在等我的永恒告诉我爱不单行别害怕用不完身边泛滥的自由还是怕孤单是一种诅咒羡慕我能飞的人为何在天黑以后还是宁愿回到爱情那个枷锁我在等一个人在等我的永恒告诉我爱不单行相信他...

2010-01-07T23:29:00.004+08:00

Sigh. I dislike distrust I guess. Especially when people accuse you of something you didn't do and ask you to admit to it. Which I did. Even though I've never done it. I simply felt too worn out to fight over it and admitted it. If it makes him "happy". To think he even said "I dunno what you doing and I don't care". You just asked me to admit to the act and you're saying you dunno what I'm doing

2010-01-04T20:23:00.003+08:00

如何让你遇见我... 在这最美丽的时刻？为着我已在驻前求了 500 年求祂让我们结一段尘缘驻于是把我化作一棵树长在你必经的路旁阳光下；慎重的开满了花朵朵都是我前世的盼望当你走近；请你细听那颤抖的叶；是我等待的热情而当你终于无视地走过在你身后落了一地的...朋友阿；那不是花瓣是我凋零的心

2010-01-03T22:08:00.003+08:00

Recently I read 2 new books. They aren't exactly self-help or one of those sappy romantic novels I usually read. Much to my dismay, it was actually a biography of how 2 women who came from troubled childhood finally stood up for themselves and made a difference in their lives and to others around them.First was "Scarred".I guess if I had read this book 6 months ago, I might've ended up

2009-12-30T22:08:00.002+08:00

Now let's see...I've been mopping around for way too long. In actual fact, I can be a bitch. lOl.It's about time I stop being such a soft-hearted idiot. Nobody would appreciate the nice girl, they'll only remember and wanna tame the bitch. Not to mention being a bitch would actually do me a lot better than being such a nice person and let people walk all over me.That's it. Screw him.

2009-12-22T18:43:00.004+08:00

去年的今天我是快乐的... 但今年不同以往... 可悲现实生活里真的曲折不断, 我都快跟不上拍了.去年我有人可以为他捏汤圆, 今年却不知道到底昨晚是做对了还是做错了. 如果句续下去, 我有可能会更痛. 但又有某种想待在他身边的笨念头. 就算不是特别的也愿意. 我照样愿意无条件的付出, 只要他回头的时候还记得有个我. 笨吧? 可是我没有, 我选择了逃离那不属于我的怀抱. 那个我只能借一下下停靠的怀抱, 自己其实配不上人家, 而且是个拖油瓶吧? 如果没有我, 他可以更快找到属于自己的另一半, 而不是浪费时间的陪我这个残缺的小女孩玩家家酒. 我对他不该有期望, 因为我没资格. 但当我小小希望破灭时, 难免会有股失望的落寞. 不想加重别人的负担, 所以我自私的把爱强力掩饰, 故作对他没兴趣了. 不是我累了. 是我不愿让他苦恼. 或许他能找到更好的, 或找到一个真的可以什么都不要,

2009-12-04T23:16:00.003+08:00

There's a possibilityAll that I had was all I'm gonn' getThere's a possibilityAll I'm gonn get is gonn' be yours thenSo tell me when you hear my heart stopYou're the only one that knowsTell me when you hear my silenceThere's a possibility I wouldn't knowKnow that when you leaveBy blood and by me, and I fall when you leaveSo tell me when my silence's overYou're the reason why I'm closedTell me

2009-12-03T00:09:00.002+08:00

We love differently. Men with their brains and sometimes their dick, while women solely with their heart. That's when they fall blindly.Now I've picked up my pieces. I'm ready to move on. I just don't know how much I wanna continue in this friendship that was forged to make me get over him so quickly. To a certain extend, I believe he'll be fine even if I disappeared for good. To another extend,

2009-10-31T15:25:00.004+08:00

I'M HOME!~ Not that I'm very happy about it. I love Kota Kinabalu. Now I've found some place I can retire young. HaHa. Just be laid back and if I get to dive for free, I would love to just bum around and just bring tourists out to dive. The trip was amazing! The underwater world is a whole new experience and I swear it's nothing like above ground. Gosh I wish I could just live there forever. I

2009-10-25T20:19:00.005+08:00

Julie and Julia was great! I wanna read the book~! Maybe I'll pick up a copy of the paperback for my holiday.Today OC's Deepavali lunch. I can't believe how in the world I can forget it and thought it was dinner. Thankfully I didn't manage to find the unit and called Harmeet. If I hadn't called her and called on their home... *SLAP FOREHEAD*2 more days and I'll be away from this island to another

2009-10-22T23:41:00.003+08:00

The happiness and excitement of knowing that I passed the 1st exam only lasted an hour. Then I'm back on the grounds of reality, trying to recall what did I do at the chalet that I went. Shit. Shouldn't have gone for it. If I had just headed home, everything would've been alright. I wouldn't have had too much to drink and got knocked out sleeping at the chalet. Haiz. To think my own company mates

2009-10-18T00:16:00.002+08:00

我可以无所谓... 放弃/失去的我都能欺骗自己不需要.但我开始发现原来在工作上的成功所带来的快感是种欺骗自己的想法.当我独自一人在茫茫人海中穿梭时, 另一种空虚让我喘不过气, 更无法找到自己的目标.我学着逃避, 不去回想, 不去看, 更不回去城今有我们的回忆的伤心地...时间没停留过, 而我只是漂浮在时间导航上的一块浮木, 没有目的地的在横行...当这块浮木不小心靠岸时, 她却倔强的把 "岸" 给逼走, 誓死不归.然而经过不少自暴自弃后, 浮木几时才会找到她想建造的小屋呢?再多的伤, 再多的眼泪, 我早已麻木...我假装无所谓, 假装看不到自己的心被拧碎...每天都告诉自己, 就算变成傀儡也要笑着, 不能让需要我的人失望...我早已不相信世上有真爱, 人和人在一起是某种交易, 现实的令我倒胃...I'm OK! =)我... 会... OK...

2009-10-04T23:42:00.001+08:00

I Never Needed You To Be StrongI Never Needed You For Pointing Out My WrongsI Never Needed Pain, I Never Needed StrainMy Love For You Was Strong Enough You Should Have KnownI Never Needed You For Judgement I Never Needed You To Question What I SpentI Never Ask For Help, I Take Care Of Myself, I Don't Know Why You Think You've Got A Hold On MeAnd it's A Little Late For ConversationsThere Isn't

2009-10-02T22:52:00.002+08:00

I've no idea how in the world I ended up at SAFSA Cross Country in that weather. But I did and became my friend's team's photographer. So much so that Commander 6 DIV approached me and asked me to take more pictures so if there's any good I can submit them to pioneer mag. I was like... huh?! lOl...If you think the world is small, Singapore is even smaller and SAF is even even smaller! HaHa. So

2009-10-01T22:33:00.002+08:00

Happy Children's Day!Clubbed at Zouk last night with Mabel and Tim coz it was Tim's birthday and both of them has never really clubbed in their entire life. Mambo was damn fun! I'm going to learn the steps. I SWEAR. Even seeing Francis do the step was damn cool la! lOl. After Mabel left, Tim and I hopped over to Phuture which was... SARDINE. No. Worse than sardine. The music was great! But I

2009-09-26T23:07:00.001+08:00

Ubin camping was fun apparently. You CAN cook outdoors! It was fun.. Seriously! HaHa. I'm going to do it again. This time with more people and more activities. Friend's planning to cook some very chim dishes. lOl. I'll wait and see. Apparently nothing's impossible! Even rice with sweet and sour chicken and pumpkin soup also can! lOl.Took a lot of pictures! Even hiked to places I've never known

2009-09-23T23:03:00.002+08:00

Ran into my 1st ex-boyfriend today while walking at Suntec and I realized something Tim said that was so true. You've let this 1st one down, so you decided to put everything in and cherish this 2nd one, only to realize that he was a jerk. But I re-buttled that he wasn't a jerk! Maybe because it's just him, the kind who stays home more often and doesn't really go out a lot, let alone know places

2009-09-23T01:29:00.002+08:00

我还是不能忘记他的存在.若可以重来我还是会选择他, 然后把自己的坏习惯改掉.傻得可以... 但我还是想做自己, 不用伪装的自己.要想就想, 不用刻意隐藏.想爱就爱, 不用特别在意.不用在意别人怎么想, 只要对得起自己就够了.可是看着他的等待, 真令人心痛..但还好啦... 我已领悟到爱并不需要拥有, 只要对方快乐就好从一旁看着也行, 但他不快乐... 我能怎么办?Finally fixed my VAIO. Realized another Nikon user, best part is he's another D90. Haha. Staff Foo! Can borrow his extra-zoom-length lens if I wanna. Up until now I can't quite make sense out of all those lens'

2009-09-22T10:36:00.003+08:00

看着他为她所作的一切令我觉得极度有感.等吗? 还是忘掉会比较舒服.虽然现在的我过得还好, 但不排斥有另一个他的存在...让我也有个人可以等, 想, 期盼...No motivation to work ah!! HaHa.This is bad.What has become of me? Hmm...I need a running kaki. But the problem is when all your bestfriends who lives near you either don't run/are busy studying, it's a bit tough. Been a long time since I last ran. Maybe tonight after work I'm going to change and just go for a run. I

2009-09-17T23:56:00.003+08:00

我讨厌结局. 但我还是看完了篮球火... 好希望能再回到学生时期, 放学后看人打球...NEXT: Buzzer Beat + Orthros no Inu~!Went Esplanade to shoot today. If Tim had the car we would've gone to the barrage. A place that will bring back memories I'd rather erase, otherwise create newer happier ones. But he met with an accident the day before while on the way to pick me up for lunch. Now that's when I feel bad -- although it's not my fault.

2009-09-16T23:44:00.002+08:00

生病了! 又来了... 好久没生病后, 一病就会病很久... 咳了好久哦! 肚皮都咳酸了. 嗓音都变得沙哑...I've got new toys! Nikon D90 and my blazing red VAIO laptop. YAY. Shopping has never not made me feel euphoric. lOl. Christmas just came extra early this year!Thankfully I had Timothy who helped me bargain. Got lotsa free stuff that are actually useful for once. Like a tripod, extra batt, extra memory card and stuff, at a cheaper price than

2009-09-05T02:35:00.002+08:00

Today... As I held his hand for dear life asking him to fight a litle longer for my grandma to reach the hospital, I realized how fragile life is. It's so scary. To watch him pass away. To watch the breath detector signalling 0% SPO2 intake, slowly the systole and diastole also get weaker by the minute. Then the nurses said they didn't think the weak systole and diastole are even heartbeats.

2009-09-01T21:25:00.003+08:00

Been keeping myself awake at work with coffee and more coffee. I'm thinking I should bring a flask and ask auntie fill it up, then I don't hafta go for tea breaks. Walking is such a chore. My darn ankle is not holding up fine even in boots no matter how tight I pull it.Had dinner with Eugene today after work. Liquid Kitchen's bangers and mash are good! Plus the company. Chat a lot about problems

2009-08-31T23:46:00.003+08:00

Right that explains. lOl. Everything falls nicely into place now. Why would ppl tell me to be wary. I shouldn't believe I'm special sometimes no matter how people always say that. lOl. Great.Now I've recovered from the break up. Realized how I shouldn't be so simple-minded. I'm going to make the best out of my current job and soar when I can.

2009-08-31T00:50:00.002+08:00

After I fell asleep hearing Marie's mentor Ivan Ho talk about fashion while they were discussing her work, I immediately knew I'm seriously not cut out for the glam world of writing even for fashion. It's such a glamourous topic... But I was so bored that I fell asleep. Yes I know it's rude. Ivan Ho happens to be famous. But I honestly don't know what they're talking about. Plus when he held out

2009-08-26T22:40:00.002+08:00

I'm losing focus. Suddenly lost the direction that I meant to head. Whatever happened to working til retirement? I think it's the 8 to 5 thing. I cannot stand waking up at 6.30 every morning to travel to work. Like that might as well don't sign on. Still can sleep longer til 7.30 then wake up and doll up to go to work. LOL.So many things I cannot say. So many things that I cannot share with

2009-08-20T20:11:00.000+08:00

Alright I'm in trouble. Apparently encik already close one eye when I read or use my phone at work because he feels that I can do. But playing Solitaire was the last straw. Oh well. *shrug* I wasn't behind time and was WAY ahead of Jamie plus there was nothing, I just wasn't tactical enough. Kenneth was playing too, I just didn't realized he walked in. Sigh. Now I'm practically invisible as

2009-08-16T14:31:00.000+08:00

Family day was... Boring I guess. I had more fun playing with Staff Ngiam's 15 mth old kid and OC's dog Jackie more than I spoke to colleagues or had fun at their treasure hunt games. Botanic Garden is a very beautiful place for a walk/picnic with your loved ones. *envious*Got home and slept til dinner. Didn't realize I actually slept on the floor the whole time! Must've been too tired watching

2009-08-14T10:01:00.002+08:00

HaHa the Spooky Tour's video is out. Thank goodness they cut away the part I blurted about my occupation. LOL. I look very "cui" from sweating in the cemetery and definitely need to lose some weight. HAIZ.http://www.razor.tv/site/servlet/segment/main/entertainment/razorpop/34594.htmlWatched G.I Joe the other day with SGT Francis. He's still that good-mannered and nice guy. Even dressed up for the

2009-08-11T19:06:00.001+08:00

Last night at Sonia's birthday party, it was nice seeing some of my secondary school mates again. =D It's a wonder how time changed people. Chi-Lin looks a lot more matured and her make-up made her look good. Nigel is still as skinny as ever and shy. Yi De is a president scholar already and he has changed a lot since secondary school days. No more that nerd-looking fair and unshaven look. He

2009-08-09T11:03:00.000+08:00

The Spooky Night tour was anything but spooky. I mean like seriously, it's like walking through an old cemetery with a WHOLE theater of spectators! WHERE GOT GHOST is literally the term for it. LOL. I felt it was more like an NE History tour than a scare tour. When interviewed by Razor TV.. Now that's the scare. I blurted soldier for a living. SHIT. Pictures will be uploaded later. Movie.... I

2009-08-05T23:39:00.000+08:00

First was the fall. Then you realize, you're in the drain. Yeah. My front and back wheel of the car. Thankfully I didn't hit the lamp pole which was inches from my driver door. God. That was shocking. Then came the sweating part when I tried to get out. How I hate the smell of burnt rubber I can never end at telling you how bad it smelt. Then like about a dozen men tried to get me out of the

2009-08-01T13:45:00.002+08:00

Yesterday when Marie and I were at Borders, I chanced upon the wedding sections.. I love the gowns and photos! Sigh!!! When will my time come!? Anyway if I EVER do leave the army, I would love to be a wedding planner. But then again, lots of friends in the industry have warned me. Things can get so mundane that everything's gonna have a template. What's a couple's once in a lifetime is your

2009-07-30T00:06:00.001+08:00

Today after work nothing to do, went with Cindy to the ARMY MUSEUM. I know it's stupid. What's 2 regulars doing at such a place in UNIFORM some more. LOL. Free entry sia! Can even bring 4 guests to 1 11B. It was fun! The place was very nice. Somewhere I wouldn't mind sitting by the fountain on a weekend sipping coffee and enjoying the sunshine and the scenery or even play those "cycling-on-water"

2009-07-28T12:14:00.000+08:00

I'm going to make my life worth while! LOL. Enough of that boring work and rest routine. So sick of it. Let's get my sorry lazy ass out of the house more often and enjoy myself. I want to feel that adrenaline rush of fear and speed again. No more that weak girl who appears strong but actually crumbles and ready to lean into someone's arms or hide behind them.1. Freefall [YES TOP ON THE LIST,

2009-07-26T21:56:00.002+08:00

For those of you who remembered the really touching advertisement about The Funeral where this Indian woman spoke of her late husband's beautifully imperfect traits, the director of that advertisement has passed away yesterday. Yasmin Ahmad, 51 suffered a stroke on top of her brain hemorrhaging and passed away. Ever wondered how life would flash before your eyes and then you're gone? She was a

2009-07-26T12:55:00.000+08:00

Irritated was an understatement. LOL. This guy can't get anybody to like him does he? Even my poly mates also dislike him and less than 5 minutes into dinner, F hates him too. LOL. Jia Lat. But I still trying to be nice although the whole afternoon with him was worse than going out with a talk-a-lot. V's ego reaches before he even sets foot into the room. *faint*Fighting wasn't very nice. I guess

2009-07-25T01:18:00.003+08:00

I don't like it when people shove money under my nose to treat me. Want to treat go a little bit further and BUY for me la. At least be next to me to pay. Not SHOVE it under my nose. Ok la. He did put in effort after that. But then replaced it with shoving ME into another guy's picture. *FUMING* Then insisting on paying me back for MY treat. *GRIT TEETH* Alright I was a bit 大小姐 and walked off

2009-07-23T21:53:00.003+08:00

Apparently it was a big deal to pass QT.Apparently I'm still fit to do all the station except SBJ as usual.Apparently I can still run, but the whole upper body plus my lungs felt like exploding when I sprint my last lap. LOL.SHIOK is an understatement.But shortly after the run when you're God-damned shag..."Tell me about MCM."OMG. Kill me la!!Run finish, go home shower, lie on the bed... Whole

2009-07-22T00:13:00.003+08:00

These days the pain is getting immense. Just last night I can barely drive home. The pain is so sharp that each breath I took was laboured. Better go back to the doctor soon. This gastric pain is not normal. Either the darn stomach ulcer is back or I'm getting cramps in my gullet for no reason whether I eat or not. Eat also pain. Don't eat also pain. Eat a bit pain. Eat more also pain. What my

2009-07-20T10:49:00.004+08:00

So many break-ups around me. Omg. I'm beginning to think I'm a jinx. People I meet/talk to would break up either the next day or a little while later. To date, I think I've heard at least 4 break-ups and 2 rather stressful relationship. Luckily Duane's case patch before midnight last night. 2 years worth of relationship. If it ended I dunno what would be of his

2009-07-19T12:14:00.005+08:00

Regynna's party was... haha. Something I wish I could've had I guess. Everything from her boyfriend running around for her, to calling her baby and stuff, family, friends, colleagues gathered. Feeling like a princess for a day is so good. =DThe rest of it... I don't wanna recall. Men are disgusting to the maximum when they want to be. Words and actions. Suddenly what I'm unconfident of, became

2009-07-16T13:03:00.004+08:00

Prepared Gynna's Birthday card all morning. Tomorrow after work then go buy her present. Sigh... OK 啦. Saturday evening only 嘛. Can 的. I must have the courage to go alone. Dunno whether he'll last minute say busy again. Last week say got something on, Wed Mambo become LK with other friend. Not my anybody but somehow will 不是滋味. So weird. Sigh. Don't think so much 了. Worst come to worst go alone,

2009-07-13T20:24:00.009+08:00

听见了一首歌的旋律才想起有过一段遇见了太糟糕的情绪才想起你的简单我以为我已经全部释怀才了解原来都还在脑海走过了一条街的熟悉才想起你的陪伴选择一件外套颜色才想起是你的习惯我以为我会放声的哭喊才了解原来剩一点遗憾早就不再相信他比我更重要想知道你现在好不好那些你给我的回忆快乐也不少少了你的未来我很好只是离开的原因 ...[我好像忘了]...想知道你现在好不好想问你还相不相信　当初的玩笑少了你的未来我很好早就不再相信他比我更重要Today I realized I really cannot go out late then work mornings. Will deteriorate myself rapidly. Although I really want to be tired and just go home to sleep, end up also cannot

2009-07-09T12:07:00.002+08:00

又是一个工作的一天! 我要振作!虽然不知道放工后能有什么期盼, 更不懂如何去过每一天.好朋友那也闹翻了, 要等一时期冷静了再说.好累.Working throughout my weekends again. This time my laptop could be last time I'm on-ing it since my adapter decided to screw up again. Maybe that's better. Don't see. Don't look. Make sure I don't bother to know or find out. His long weekend = my working days. Good ba? Hahaha. At least I won't think so much when he has his fun

2009-07-09T02:07:00.003+08:00

Grandpa got hospitalized. Dangerously ill list. Sigh. I think his time has come soon. I don't know what I can do for him either. I ever once wanted to cut my own lifespan for the sake of the guy I once love so much. Someone I would tear just because I heard his fortune would be short-lived. I prayed so hard that God would cut my life away and pass it to him. Even until now... I guess if I really

2009-07-02T02:43:00.004+08:00

Met up with Jaga just moments before to have my late dinner and shesha cum chatting session. They wanted to club, thankfully I was in slippers and no clubs allowed me entrance! Hahaha! Not even Arena which I remembered being in slippers at least TWICE there! LOL! Good la! I wasn't even in the mood to club. Still don't like the idea of alcohol, skimpily-clad ladies and hungry men. That and the

2009-07-01T16:24:00.004+08:00

If I beg and if I cryWould it change the sky tonight?Will it give me sunlight?Should I wait for you to call?Is there any hope at all?Are you drifting by...When I think about itI know that I was never held or even caredThe more I think about itThe less that I was able to share with youI try to reach for you, I can almost feel youYou're nearly hereAnd then you disappearYou disappearAnd then I lie

2009-06-30T21:23:00.003+08:00

Day 2... I'm tired. Haha. But I like my job. XD But the place is damn blardy cold. LOL. Must remember my jacket on Friday.Tmr's SAF day parade. Go back on a off day just for the parade. Walking up is no joke. LOL.Met up with Jas after work to have late lunch and a hair cut. Finally trimmed my untamed mane into something easier to handle. Slowly let it grow long ba! =DI don't like to walk around

2009-06-29T00:27:00.003+08:00

Talked to Eugene a lot today... He enlightened me a lot. Felt a lot better I guess. I promise I'll be happy bro. You better come back from Aussie ASAP! Haha. Counting down 1 month til I see you at work. =D I'll make sure I show you the sunshine girl again. With a bro like u and a sis like Sally, I'll live another 60 years to make sure I see til your kids grow up and call me God ma! Hahaha. Which

2009-06-28T03:11:00.002+08:00

Aunt bought me an SK necklace with a HEART-SHAPED pendent with diamonds on it. OMG... Okay la. I love it. It's really pretty for a 21st birthday present. But honestly... HEART-SHAPED. OMG. Can't get over it. Haha.Today they've made a pact with me. Great. Now even mentioning anything of the slightest that concerns him... Fine $10. Contribution to the CCTL fund. CHUA-CHUA-TAN-LI entertainment fund.

2009-06-27T13:51:00.007+08:00

On A Midsummer Night's.... Supper! Haha. I got the car and Marie couldn't do her degree work starring at it, we went on a supper trip! Picked her up down the road, because she lives just down the street, we've been good friends since Primary 2~! That's like... 12 years plus? Wow...Okay first stop was Chomp Chomp! Nearly got lost. I've no idea how to go there. But eventually we hit familiar road

2009-06-26T22:30:00.005+08:00

Tired. Ha. Too much Zefrin. Apparently only 50 would be lethal. I already having problems swallowing 15. "dong" long enough til too late to wash my stomach, but what the hell... The drug coursing in your blood stream is worse. Swollen face and risk of liver failure. Ha. Doc... Can you just be specific and quit nagging. I honestly regret le. Should've swallowed more then die and don't hafta face

2009-06-25T12:04:00.002+08:00

Mambo at Zouk was such a laugh! Had a great time there! Maybe drank a little too much too quickly. Got a little too high. Oh what the hell. What's the point of clubbing if I'm not even high and happy for a brief moment? Haha.Gosh I've gotta kick the habit. To auto dial his number instead of my dad's. Shit. Could've kicked myself if I wasn't so tipsy. This is probably getting on his nerves. 12+

2009-06-24T12:55:00.004+08:00

I've come to realize men aren't good. Nope. Not even the 1 guy I thought was the perfect gentlemen and saint in a devil's clothing was the best guy on Earth for me. When you love someone, you give that one guy the power to destroy you, trusting that he wouldn't. But he did. He flirted openly. Like I'll give a damn whether they're primary school mates or are they kindergarten. If the situation

2009-06-22T23:49:00.001+08:00

原来当伤口还没痊愈的时候, 他的一丝丝关心也会令我的心灵有了惊天动地的悲伤. 我的 "无所谓" 换来的回应令我的痛更加倍百倍以上. 我的确是个不会自爱的 loser. 既麻烦又不自爱的自己拿什么去爱别人? 连自己都不懂得爱的人, 凭什么去爱他人? 为什么当我慢慢学着活下去的时候他得说这么残忍的话? 我什么都没做了! 联半个信息都没发, 学着给他自由. 为什么要这么残忍?! 心好痛...其实我爱你, 但我不能说. 说了会是个负担. 这种爱你一点都不要. 一个爱你但却被认为是负担的恋情, 好痛苦. 我不知所措. 不能不去想他, 不能不去爱他. 只能默默的爱着, 想着, 等着, 自己痛着也不能让你有一丝一毫的烦感. 好头痛. 不知道该怎么办. 不能说出去, 不能为他做什么来告诉他我爱他, 只能自己承受. 我能承受多久?

2009-06-21T22:23:00.003+08:00

原来早晨起来是我最脆弱的时分. 晚上打来的勇气和放弃会在每个早上消失.Today I finally took some fresh air without my phone and went Batam. Feels good although I still can't stand on the board. Barely have strength to even stay on the kneeling board for more than 3 times. End up smoking and watching the experts do stunts, play my PSP and sun tan while he plays.He's a nice guy ba. Everything also very thoughtful. Tired le he confirm

2009-06-20T10:50:00.003+08:00

我会学着去放弃, 不能再做他的负担. 当我的爱变成了他的苦恼, 我还不放手岂不是个恶魔? 折磨他我并不好受. 所以折磨自己总好过折磨他. 虽然心里有数, 只要他有需要, 我必定随传随到.就回到过去吧? 让自己陷进无数个不同男人的世界里, 或许是一种麻木自己的方法. 不喜欢时, 再打算. 时间到, 就到阎王哪儿报道. 好想哭. 但我不能哭. 面具带多了也会夜长梦多. 可是不能让他知道. 否则就如同当初我说我会等. "等到他回过头, 我还会在原地踏步" 这种鬼话只会让他更苦恼. 这种等待我的确会做到, 可是不能让他知道吧? 知道了只会增加他的负担. 简讯也发了, 说着: "当我没说过". 心口好痛! 没有预期的轻松, 只有痛得入骨的悲伤.他需要的自由, 我不懂得珍惜. 或许会就这样把他送给了个更好的女孩, 而我独自守着被遗弃的承诺.Only when he still loves me,

2009-06-18T19:59:00.002+08:00

原来窝在家里一整天也蛮不错的. 没有吵杂的声音, 躲避炎热的天气, 不用带着笑脸迎面他人, 前几天都过得好累好累. 不用应付每个人对我的关心, 让我独自一人待在曾经有他在的地方, 静静的看我的书, 听听音乐, 累了就睡... 这种生活我还能过. 慢慢的等他回过头看见原来我还在原地踏步. 未曾离去...我的确想他. 日夜想, 连梦里也会有他的存在. 我是疯了吗? 从未有过的思念, 连谈最久的恋情也从未这么想一个人. 大不了就去喝喝酒, 和朋友到 Club 狂欢然后回家睡死, 从未想要做个会令他想砖头再看得到的自己. 我等过人, 但从未等得如此平静, 如此的傻, 会到他家楼下等的傻德性惹得别人的耻笑... 这一切我也认了. 别的男人我都不要.我不希罕别的男人给的关怀, 更不需要别的男人给的 attention. 就算他们打电话谈上半小时也不值他的一个短短又有点冷漠的信息. 我到底是怎么了..

2009-06-17T18:25:00.004+08:00

Today was graduation. I did a relatively good reflection of my time. At least instead of starring at the ground, I caught the attention of my audience to fix their eyes on me and injected laughter. Although at the last part, I broke down a little and nearly cried. But what the hell... I've did my best and even put in my best efforts and feelings into my reflections.I realized, I'm not all that

2009-06-16T19:53:00.003+08:00

The nightmares have gotten worst. Can't fathom why I would wake up at 3+, 4+ and 5+. I wish he could erase that disgusting feeling of men from me. But I can no longer depend on him for help.Loving someone means to let him be happy ba.Somewhere along that line, I forgot that logic and hurt him with my mindless words.That's when I realised... All our promises and happy memories could be erased so

2009-06-14T09:53:00.003+08:00

I'm at a lost. The world still spins and day-night changes as per normal but I just felt like my world crumbled.Me and my stupid mouth and thinking. Why the hell did I expect so much for when I would've been happy just being with him. Now that my words has hurt him so much that there seems to be no turning back, all I can do is get wasted and waiting for my time.He came at the point when I

2009-06-07T19:51:00.005+08:00

DANCE, SUBARU! Was SUPERB!Everything from the Overture to its last Act was one of a kind. The performances brought together to the big screens of what seems like cheap street dance and stringent ballet absolutely brought Centrestage to shame. Less than 5 minutes into the movie and I was already pulling tissues and stemming the flow of my tears. Maybe the only setback was it was very much like

2009-02-28T00:47:00.001+08:00

I've just did the darnest thing I've ever done in my entire life.Yup. I've plucked the courage, I've made myself so bitchy that even I myself can't have stand it.

2008-12-27T01:48:00.003+08:00

I caught Yes Man. I would love to catch it over and over again! Haha. The movie's about this man named Carl Allen who is probably THE most boring person on Earth. Saying "no" to everything and even lie through his teeth just to wriggle out of meeting his best-mate for a drink. Must be thinking: "No wonder Stephanie (his ex-wife) left him!" I mean... Would you walk out on your bestfriend when he

2008-12-25T02:10:00.003+08:00

Merry Christmas everyone!I had fun. =]Baking cookies for him on Christmas eve...Wanted to sing at Bulldog, turns out they're playing club songs with the lights on and no singing is allowed that night. LOL. SO we headed down to Arena where I ran into Clarence. Small world. But I guess, to him, clubbing wasn't so fun after all... His face was black like coal... >.< Didn't know what to do to make

2008-12-21T17:27:00.003+08:00

For the first time in my life, I actually stayed out all night to fish! Hahaha. If it wasn't for him, I doubt I'll bother to drag my ass all the way to Changi Boardwalk and spent the night freezing in the sea breeze. Whole night only caught one sting ray. The sting ray didn't even bite on the bait.. It was just damn suay, kena caught onto the hook. LOL.Anyway it wasn't that bad. Time was bearable

2008-12-20T18:34:00.002+08:00

I made a special glutinous rice ball today... He loved it and claims I bought it. LOL.I bought a silver-plated Zippo... He's stunned why I know he likes oxidized metal. I don't? I only bought it out of my 6th sense. I got him Hugo Boss - Boss... He likes it too!Wow... How lucky can I get? LOL.

2008-12-14T12:26:00.005+08:00

Double O was having Mambo! It was so so funny watching guys dance enactments from the old school MTVs. Can't stop laughing. Saw friends I haven't seen in a long while. Including people from work! Haha. Small world this is.Taking things lightly as usual. Haha.. Saying things I don't mean and giving what's important to me so freely. IT ISN'T A GAME TO ME!!!Then I realized, my heart is dripping. Ha.

2008-12-06T01:24:00.002+08:00

After so long, I'm finally back here again. It's probably been 3 months. Of which I've cleared SISPEC. Crazy place to be. So much hardship and unhappiness. But of course I'll never forget the instructors in Delta Coy. Most of whom I really will miss.Back in unit. Everyday's the same old thing again and again and again and again. But I guess I'm good at it. The more times you repeat it the better.

2008-09-19T14:11:00.002+08:00

Just got back from Taipei a few days back. Despite the typhoon, I still did a lot of shopping! Hahaha. Fighting the wind and rain, I almost wanted to kick myself for not checking the weather forecast before jetting there with my bestfriend. But anyway it's a good experience considering the fact that you'll never see that kind of wind in Singapore. *chuckles*Initially it was pretty scary. The wind

2008-08-03T01:24:00.003+08:00

Call me P4207! Whole of Tekong there'll only be one! We're all one-of-a-kind~ Haha.BMT's been 3 weeks and I'm beginning to lament why on Earth did I sign up for this?! Then I forcefully make myself believe that it's only short-termed that I'm suffering as a lowly trainee and things will pick up once I head back to unit. Yes.. That's what I always tell myself when I'm being forced to wake up at

2008-07-10T19:46:00.001+08:00

Frankly I'm apprehensive about BMT. During today's trip to work, to the old folks' home then back to camp then back home, I couldn't stop trying to take in as much of Singapore as I can. I kept wishing I can memorize every bit of it and store it some where behind my mind so that I'll be sane during BMT.Today CO asked, "What are your goals? Best Trainee?" Everybody looked at me. He was of course

2008-06-15T20:14:00.002+08:00

Yesterday I went shopping with Marie again! Haha. Singapore's so boring and I kept hearing her holiday for next week and Hong Kong trip and feeling even more depressed. Was suppose to celebrate but in the end she wanted to save. Sigh...I bought a watch from Guess.Evening was the best. I met Alan for a drink at Holland V. Talked a lot and I kind of woke up. No more waiting around.Today.. I went

2008-06-13T23:59:00.002+08:00

Our weekly rendezvous. This week Jasline, her sister and I went to Clarke Quay's TCC to enjoy~4 Desserts (the waiter asked if there was 3 of us or was he seeing things), 1 side, 3 liquoured concoctions and 3 lovely ladies by the side of the Singapore Long Kang.I didn't want to go home so soon. I ended up at Asylum drinking alone. Sounds so sad doesn't it? Yea.. It is.. Prolly all I need was some

2008-06-11T23:56:00.002+08:00

The guys POP-ed today. We got to go to Tekong for a little excursion! Everything from the car ride to the boat trip and the walk around made me look forward to it even more!It was like this super proud moment when they march into the parade square. Then this super proud moment when they strip out of their everything and ran back into the parade square in clean fatigues singing loudly... OMG... I

2008-06-06T23:32:00.004+08:00

Today's just a girls' night out with Jasline and her sister. How we love hanging out almost everyday in the past seems so far away. I just realised I've known her for the last 6 years and counting. Never failed to bring in some funny antics and crazy ideas into our boring lifes.Swensens~ 3 Topless 5, 3 different coolers and a fried mushroom. We overdid it a little didn't we? Haha. Should've just

2008-06-01T20:16:00.003+08:00

Met Reave today. He had to collect his goodie bag for Passion Run. Saw the Sundown shirt and those people who ran it. Really hafta take my hat off them. Especially when I only saw 1 84km finisher shirt. Hahaha. REALLY RESPECT. Of course that includes people I know who did the 84km. I can never imagine doing that myself.Shopped for a bit again. GSS is disappointing.. For the 2nd time I'm saying

2008-05-31T23:10:00.002+08:00

Sex and the City was amazing! Either you're grinning from ear-to-ear and marveling at every detail of their wardrobe, smiling at how good they look and laughing at their silly antics or you'll be heart-warmed by their unbreakable friendship and heart-wrenching moments. I love every bit of this movie. Wouldn't mind catching it again and again and all over again~Went shopping with Marie again. GSS

2008-05-24T23:55:00.004+08:00

Went to the food expo today! Got there before the crowd came in and bought a lot of food to pig out with Marie. Haha. Out weekly makan-routine, this week we bring you to the OUTSKIRTS of Singapore. Expo is impossibly far. But the food's good. Bought a new bag, long-sleeve top and sleeveless top from Adidas sale. Then Robinson Sale was a disappointment. All of it was at Expo! Haha. Even ran into 2

2008-05-18T23:12:00.001+08:00

Irritating. 2 days in a row I'm being awaken at the wrong time and it isn't even my due timing to wake up! Irritating! Can't I enjoy my weekends and wake up NATURALLY for once?! It's been like that previously. Completely senseless!!!Anyway I'm forced to wake up once again... Unable to get back to sleep, I woke up to read. All the way until the time I fell back asleep again only to wake up at 5pm

2008-05-17T23:43:00.000+08:00

It's a Saturday and what better way to spend it but to shop! Hahahaha.Met Marie in the afternoon and we went Orchard to look for her handheld steamer. Which proved to be impossible in Singapore. Whoever invented it clearly didn't think about bringing it into the local market here. All the steamers were at least 5ft tall with their vacuum cleaner look-alike bodies. So we ended up at Vivo where we

2008-03-29T23:59:00.002+08:00

Went for my driving test today and I FINALLY PASSED! One cab driver actually beat the red light in front of my tester and I think he jotted down his car plate number! Or at least, he copied it down.. Hopefully for fun.Met Mabel at One George Street's Fitness First. Didn't do any classes today. I can barely walk from wearing boots the whole week and from all those jumping exercises. My thighs are

2008-02-10T21:31:00.000+08:00

Happy Lunar New Year everybody! Just came back from a holiday in Bintan again. Haha. It's the 3rd time I'm going there again. This time in the company of my dad, his girlfriend and Julia. Once again the world is so small... I ran into Adrian and Evon at the ferry terminal and we took the same ferry to the same destination! Haha.The novelty of going overseas always made my nerves all jumbled up

2008-02-01T23:55:00.000+08:00

Did my last and final show with Mediacorp and it's "You Are The One"!Saw a few familiar faces from Hey Gorgeous. There was this one guy who really really caught my attention! Haha. Maybe I've been reading too much of those 言情小说 about Vienna and Rome. Today I saw this Greece-Singaporean who looks DROP-DEAD gorgeous! Too bad he can't really speak Mandarin and is one helluva shy chap. He looks a bit

2008-01-30T01:08:00.000+08:00

Just met up with Duane and Joel at Duane's err.. although I refused to believe it at first, EX-girlfriend's place.Seriously felt sorry for Duane. Being so careful with her and all. If it wasn't because I knew of her ex-boyfriends and what they did to her, I wouldn't even bother to tell Duane to give her a second look. But I guess breaking up for the last 30 times with her was a bit TOO HARD to

2008-01-12T03:02:00.000+08:00

SPINNOVEX was kindda fun. Though a bit hilarious when it came to some of the more embarrassing things that my friends did to me. Such as telling some particular guy that I mentioned that he looks cute. Oh my God. I am NOT interested in HIM!!! But it brought laughter, definitely killed time because I swear it's damn boring at the exhibition. Not that we wanted to be in the main tent!Timbre with

2007-12-17T23:46:00.000+08:00

Today.. I think I feel loads happier than I've had in months. Not those kindda laughter-equal-happiness kind. But the satisfaction and happiness that I've done something good for a long time. Just glad I could cheer my friends up.But I enjoy cheering people up and helping them. Like how I helped Marie today by going to Ubi Techpark to help her with those heavy bags of clothes and her day was

2007-12-16T23:26:00.000+08:00

Star Awards 2007.I feel like a wall-flower.Rather useless.Never did much really.

2007-12-14T00:26:00.000+08:00

Lifesaver's Christmas gathering wasn't much. But it was fun!I love the juniors... They made us (seniors) all a photo-frame with the picture of one of our Open Waters' photo and wrote a little note at the back of the picture. I know I'll miss them. The one thing I'll miss most when I'm in the army. That I can't come back to train with them. But I know I'll try my best to come back to compete for

2007-12-06T23:05:00.000+08:00

Today was a major-clean-up day. Terris' got a new room and we're busy the whole morning sorting tapes out and I saw loads of tapes that I would really want to watch. Like the many "Smell of Rain" tapes, old flicks like The Unbeatables, The Champion etc. Too bad I had to erase most of them. But of course Terris kept all of the "Smell of Rain" tapes. Wonder if he'll ever show the whole movie to us.

2007-12-01T21:41:00.000+08:00

There was an event at Central today and it was really meaningful. Think: kids, ice-skating, yummy cookies, candies, presents, stars like Nathaniel and Felicia were there. The kids were rowdy at first. A 6/7 year old actually "bossyly" said, "give me the mic, I wanna talk." I smiled politely and said, "sorry, I can't." He replied, "fuck you." Right there and then I was shocked! Then this other

2007-10-29T00:48:00.000+08:00

Now that it's been a really long time since I last wrote in here. I guess I've been lazy. Really LAZY. So today's basically just a brief summary then. Haha.I got into MediaCorp. Been interning there for the past 1mth and 2 weeks. It's really tough some times becuase my boss is quite a sexually discriminating male specimen. Not that he's really mean to me. But you can really tell he prefers the

2007-09-12T23:57:00.000+08:00

Played pool and had dinner with Joel, Faidhi, Wen Xian and Ming Lei. Been a while since we had a mini gathering like this. Too bad Duane didn't come. Or the gang would've been completed.Just finished reading the final book of Potter. It felt awfully final. It's like... I don't want it to end. The adventures of Harry Potter, however painful and glorified it was, it felt so... FINAL. It's as if

2007-09-10T23:44:00.000+08:00

I went on the Luge and sky ride at night... The feeling was so much better than in the day.. It was loads prettier with the songs of the sea in the back-drop and the air was cleaner and dewy. Loads quieter and cooler in the night. With one of my oldest friend next to me... The feeling was so nice la! Then the Luge down. Haha. I lost. The accident made an impact on me. I slowed down noticeably at

2007-09-09T23:57:00.000+08:00

Ah well. It's been ages.There were so many things happening everyday that I'm beginning to feel too lethargic to type it in words. I guess the human eye captures a picture better than the camera as much as the blog captures my memories.The army open house was a blast. Had fun there. I'm a sharp-shooter! I guess after the open house, I've learnt how much effort I have to put in for BMT now. SOC